Yes, well it is a long story. I was raised Catholic. When my Grandma was getting sick I would take her to church. I really wanted to believe but there was always a little voice in the back of my head that was telling me it was bullshit. After she died I stopped going to Catholic Church and became a Pagan. I was a pagan and not an atheist because I still wanted to believe. I was fascinated by ancient Greece so I started reading about Greek gods and started following a path that combined Platonism with Greek paganism.
There were points when I really did convince myself that it was true. Platonism, especially neoplatonism can be very complex, and that completely somehow made it seem more plausible in my mind. But I never could bring myself to believe in literal gods. You can say that the Ocean is Poseidon metaphorically, but the notion of some bearded old man with a trident ruling the waves is preposterous in my opinion.
Anyway, pure atheism seems pretty cold. I mean, yeah, we are all gonna die, and civilizations rise and fall, but at the end of the day, I'm not a nihilist. I'd rather have my life be about pleasure than virtue or duty or spend it whining about the meaninglessness of existence. Just an aside. But Archie my dog never worries about the meaninglessness of his life. He is happy if he gets his walkies, playtime, and treats.
