Query: "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Would Epicurus have agreed or disagreed? Why?

  • A very smart woman in Greece wrote this. Maybe she will post it herself at some point but until then:



    As you placed this issue, Epicurus would answer to it, like this: I do not answer in such kind of dilemmas to agree or disagree.


    I prefer to post here again, a comment that I have written to another thread and some months ago.


    On the matters of : 1) Eros as sexual desire and 2) love as friendship


    Two different concepts and meanings : the first (1) is complex, inexplicable and unreason the second (2) is very simple, explicable and reason.


    What is eros as sexual desire and what is friendship as love and what does this word really means ? Epicurus used to talk for “friendship”(filia), which is came from the greek verb "filo"="φιλώ" = agapo = love. Which means a relationship based on care and interesting in accordance to a mutual benefit which has a balance of offering and taking about feelings thoughts and actions.


    Epicuru’s exhortations (neither demands nor simple advices) on eros as sexual desire are trying to show us the way to overcome the obstacles that cause disturbances in our body, mind and soul. Because eros as sexual desire, this complex and absurd situation is dominated under the status of the conquer, of sovereignty and of the destruction. So many have been written what is "eros" ? Poets, writers, philosophers, thinkers, scientists, and all of them lead to one conclusion :"Eros is the brother of death and without the disaster is not eros, but a matter of LOL and derision".


    And here comes Epicurus to show us, something else, something that we already know it, but we pretend that we do not know it. He shows us clearly what is eros as sexual desire as a typical sequential model: “At the beginning is lust, then is infatuation, then fulfillment and finally jealousy and boredom. In this infinite and repeated story, beyond the actual sexual act there is only anxiety and depression” ... but here comes again that Titan of wisdom going straight to the matter and tells us, how we would achieve to find the right friend partner in our life, to love and share the friendship, which is based on mutual benefit, under the same interests, common thoughts and actions with the balance of offering and giving and with the same desires to live the joy of a fruitful relationship with all the pleasures of life it has.


    And we? No, we say to him. We want to pass first from the condition of the animal to bleed, to suffer, to feel pain, to give pain, to devour and be devoured and after all these painful situations, then I will become a man of wisdom. And while he, Epicurus, tells us how we can become an hyperman of wisdom and to have prudence and live as a god among the men, we answer : No ! I want to be an animal firstly. An animal which is been conquered under my unreasonable instincts.


    And Epicurus answers : Sure, you have your instincts this is natural and of course you can’t uproot them, since your are not a foolish apathetic stoic person, but I can show you the way, in which you can understand WHY you have these instincts; and HOW they become evolved when they've been well educated with prudence and stop to be instincts...but HUMAN FEELINGS and wise thoughts, that will bring you all the benefits to live a wonderful and pleasurable life .
    Our choices are always free of charge !
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