It takes a balance. I might have already posted this before, but this is very good in that it shows that happiness is both short term and long term -- "the riddle of experience vs. memory".
“We live and experience many moments, but most of them are not preserved,” Kahneman said. “They are lost forever. Our memory collects certain parts of what happened to us and processes them into a story. We make most of our decisions based on the story told by our memory.
Watch a Ted talk:
This article from the above website looks good: dealing with stress.
omg -- I just found this very interesting website:
For, indeed, it were better to follow the myths about the gods than to become a slave to the destiny of the natural philosophers: for the former suggests a hope of placating the gods by worship, whereas the latter involves a necessity which knows no placation.
This seems to point toward the retaining of hope that prayer (or sacrifices to the gods) would be effective, rather than believing in a destiny which cannot be changed.
So perhaps I should pray to Aphrodite? -- lol 
PD27. Of all the things which wisdom acquires to produce the blessedness of the complete life, far the greatest is the possession of friendship.
Yes! And then also this Vatican saying:
34. The use of friends is not that they are useful, but that we can trust in their usefulness.
So then I take this as meaning to have friends in which we can rely on. And of course friends whom I enjoy being around and spending time with. And it takes time and effort to nurture these kinds of friendships.
Moving away from the REBT (of this thread) -- this morning I remembered being a kid and in 2nd or 3rd grade, a woman came into our classroom to have us do sing-alongs of various songs to her guitar accompaniment.
This was one song:
lyrics: "Hush Little Baby"
or listen:
Researching this I see that it was a folk song lullaby orginating from Virginia/North Carolina. And the idea is that there is always something else in which to find enjoyment, though this is rather materialistic in that it is relying on material objects.
As adults there is no Papa to take care of us anymore, nor is there a "Papa in the sky" to whom we pray. So it is up to us to do what we need to do. And sometimes first the pain before we can get to the pleasure, as Cassius wrote in another thread:
**"Because Epicurus might well listen to a person's story and their particular set of problems and prescribe something that leads first to "Pain" before only later leading to "Pleasure."**
And it comes to me, I wonder what might we say from a wise Epicurean point of view -- sort of a grown-up lullaby. What kind of words would we sing to ourselves when things seem difficult? This is something I will ponder, and perhaps write a song 
In my view, Epicurean views need to be thought of first as a "philosophy" of life - a world view. Yes Epicurean philosophy is practical, and yes it will lead in many practical directions, but Epicurean philosophy is not first and foremost a "therapy" as modern Stoicism has become.
I think a kind of "therapy" can come out of a worldview -- which for Epicureanism is enjoyment of life and friendships which support the enjoyment of life.
And this is something that I want to blog and post about in the future - as I feel there are many therapuetic aspects within Epicureanism.
Especially this link is good, lots of good points of "therapeutic" value:
You yourself are the only person who can decide how best to spend your time and what goals are appropriate.
So to further elaborate on my idea of a "recipe for a happy life" - I will be more open about what that is - the idea of being in a long-term relationship (which I was in the past, but am no longer) and having the joys of intimacy (both emotional and physical). Statistically women over the age of 50 are much less likely to partner up again (I have researched this. Often any men who are single in older age are either not in the mindset for wanting a relationship, or they have "attachment-avoidance" behaviours and are therefore unfit for long-term relationships.)
So my second "recipe for a happy life" is to create an in person Epicurean philosophy group - this would be my consolation for not being able to cook up my first desired recipe. This would need to be something which would give the emotion intimacy of friendships. But this is a very big project which is proving to be more difficult to get going, and logistically I feel a bit flummoxed. But I do realize that by putting my mind more firmly on my goal of an "Epicurean Garden" then I do start to feel a bit...happier, lol.
So then I must focus on this, and doing what needs to be done to create that.
VS46. Let us utterly drive from us our bad habits, as if they were evil men who have long done us great harm.
Cassius from what you are writing then it seems there is a subtle overlap between modern Stocism and Epicureanism (but not in ancient Stocism), especially as seen with this Vatican Saying.
It is hard to say how the idea within my mind of a particular story regarding the "best life" or the kind of life that will be most pleasurable, came to be. Perhaps it was past moments of a time in which everything seemed right in my life, but now my life is different and uncertain. My particular idea -- sort of a life "recipe" for happiness -- may never come to be again.
So it seems that I may have to settle for a lesser recipe -- one which is rather bland -- no salt or spices -- sure I won't keel over and die -- and maybe I will at times find pleasure. But I suppose this is why some people end up in Buddhism and doing meditation.
We haven't talked about cognitive behavioral therapy in a long while, and i am not up on the details. In general, it's definitely more related to Stoicism, and in fact the leading internet Stoic, Donald Robertson, is primarily (from what I gather) a CBT teacher.
Oh wow, I didn't know that.
For myself, I just notice that occassionally I get caught in some kind of circular thinking which makes me feel sad. And it has to do with something that I want, but it is difficult to get, or it is something that I may never be able to have. And then I might think: "If I can't have (xyz) then I can't be happy in life." Which is followed by "And there is probably something wrong with me and that is why I can't get it/have it."
So REBT is a way to talk yourself out of your false beliefs about reality. And yet it leaves a sort of empty feeling.
But if this particular "thing" that I want is something which I feel would fall into the Epicurean category of "necessary for happiness" -- and if there was an Epicurean community, then someone could step forward to help resolve the situation, or as a community everyone could put their heads together to figure out a solution. So if we are living in this modern isolated world, and thus there is CBT to deal with the modern world problems, problems coming out of consumerism and individuality, and divisive or guilting political and religious ideologies. And people go through life with way too serious of an attitude.
In addition to the above post, here is more. There isn't anything in Epicureanism like this, but this could be helpful for dealing with feelings of worry which can get in the way of the enjoyment of pleasures.
Here are the questions to ask yourself, outlined in our Disputing Irrational Beliefs Handout:
- What is the self-defeating irrational belief I would like to dispute and reduce?
- Am I able to support this belief with objective facts?
- What proof is there that this belief is false?
- Is there any proof that this belief is true?
- What is the worst possible outcome that could occur if I fail to get what I believe I must? What’s the worst possible outcome if I do get what I believe I mustn’t? What other negative things could happen to me?
- What positive things could I cause to happen if my undesirable scenarios pan out?
Source: https://positivepsychology.com/rebt-technique…ses-worksheets/
In the past I studied this mode of therapy and attempted to apply it to myself. One is supposed to do this with a certified therapist rather than on one's own. But I did find some benefit from it from studying it. I think this might be compatible with Epicureanism? ( even if it might be more likely associated with stoicism). What do you all think?
Here is an brief over-view:
REBT is the pioneering form of cognitive behavior therapy developed by Dr. Albert Ellis in 1955. REBT is an action-oriented approach to managing cognitive, emotional, and behavioral disturbances.
According to REBT, it is largely our thinking about events that leads to emotional and behavioral upset. With an emphasis on the present, individuals are taught how to examine and challenge their unhelpful thinking which creates unhealthy emotions and self-defeating/self-sabotaging behaviors.
REBT is a practical approach to assist individuals in coping with and overcoming adversity as well as achieving goals. REBT places a good deal of its focus on the present. REBT addresses attitudes, unhealthy emotions (e.g., unhealthy anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, etc.) and maladaptive behaviors (e.g., procrastination, addictive behaviors, aggression, unhealthy eating, sleep disturbance, etc.) that can negatively impact life satisfaction. REBT practitioners work closely with individuals, seeking to help identify their individual set of beliefs (attitudes, expectations and personal rules) that frequently lead to emotional distress.
REBT then provides a variety of methods to help people reformulate their dysfunctional beliefs into more sensible, realistic and helpful ones by employing the powerful REBT technique called “disputing.” Ultimately, REBT helps individuals to develop a philosophy and approach to living that can increase their effectiveness and satisfaction at work, in living successfully with others, in parenting and educational settings, in making our community and environment healthier, and in enhancing their own emotional health and personal welfare.
I wouldn't want to say that anyone should do this on their own, so this is just a reference to a possible mode of therapy. And I am re-visiting it now, due to feeling some life stressors and circumstances which have me feeling off-kilter.
In some sense this is like "worm-wood" medicine. But as Epicureans we need to use some honey with it -- so to be gentle and kind and give oneself some Epicurean pleasure, while applying this.
This link has more specifics: REBT
Hi reneliza,
Welcome to the forum!
There is so much material and interesting threads here that you will find of help in the study of Epicurean Philosophy.
You might like to check out the FAQ section for quick answers to common questions, and short summaries as well:
"The sweetest kind of life"!!!
The trick is figuring out how to do it when you don't live in Italy, lol -- "Le dolce vita!"
Spending more time outdoors:
This is good stuff! And I can imagine it all being assembled into a short Epicurean reader -- titled as "Epicurean Pharmakos" (will put this on my to-do list).
"I will read his works," said Theon, "and question the writer.
This brings up a question, which may be answered somewhere else already, yet here it is --
Back then it was said that Epicurus did not teach publicly. And we know he wrote many books, and copies were given out (or sold?) And this was a way to convey the teachings, and also this might have served the purpose of preventing errors in understanding, or errors in incorrect repetition. [Think of the game of "telephone" in which children sit in a circle and whisper a sentence into the ear of the person sitting next to them, and by the end of the circle that phrase is very different than the original].
The question is: Did Epicurus actually have people read the teachings themselves instead of giving lectures?
This is great to see what is happening over on Facebook!
This discussion points to the many helpful aspects of Epicureanism and practical application.
This entry was a one was good:
"A philosophy for community not individual supermen made out of stone. Meet friends, have good conversation..."
And this one:
"I sincerely think we should discuss forming groups irl to build some sense of Epicurean community."
As we here are planning for a new Wednesday night Zoom format -- I'd like to see that start up at the very latest on May 11th. We need to seize the day on it -- not worry so much about having it "perfectly" planned or "perfectly" named.
"Wednesday Night Epicurean Zoom Community" will hopefully be starting up soon!
Thank you Scott, and I forgot that I had that dance video blog, though nothing is posted to it currently. I thought I could do dance improv to a reading of Lucretius, or maybe do a Greek dance. I discovered the perfect back drop!
This will be a work in progress, so this is just a rough draft.
My Personal Epicurean Life Philosophy -- April 27, 2022
I understand the existence of everything best as a materialist universe. The notion of God (and all gods) is to be understood only as the idea of a being (or beings) which is (are) blessed and immortal, and they are not involved, able to assist, or influence human beings. God (and all gods) are not supernatural. (This paragraph edit: 01/03/25).
I reflect on this materialist universe through the modern scientific understanding of the nature of the cosmos.
Whatever appears or feels like a spirit or soul within me will cease to exist when I die. The sense of self and consciousness depends on a physical body in order to be experienced. Also, there is no heaven or hell after death, but only the dissolution of consciousness as the bodily processes cease to function.
My personal goal in life is finding enjoyment in the sweetest kind of life. This for me means finding and maintaining friendships with like-minded people who also seek to enjoy the sweetest kind of life. I also strive to improve my ability to be a good friend to others, for the sake of mutual enjoyment.
The sweetest kind of life comes about with both action and non-action -- diligently striving at times toward goals, but at other times surrendering or finding solace in stillness and quietude. I am able to find a sense of engagement, flow, and ease through various personal creative projects.
The sweetest kind of life must be nurtured into being -- this takes effort, but the effort will be felt within myself as well as shared with others. I believe it is very important to cultivate an attitude of optimism, gratitude, joy, and smiles and hugs.
The sweetest kind of life also includes contemplation -- for me this is a combination of study of wisdom, and then pondering how to impliment wisdom. In the past I have studied various wisdom teachings, and now I continue to do so through a primary focus on the study of Epicurean Philosophy, to learn and understand, and also to be able to teach it to others. Out of contemplation comes philosophy for the sake of living the sweetest life.
Yes I agree that there are many options that could be made to work. I joke in mentioning "nudist colony"
I would say that not so much a nudist colony, but rather a "Clothing Optional Resort" 
After I write my best seller on Epicurean Philosophy, I could travel to Palm Springs (or probably they have them in Florida) and teach philosophy seminars -- that is, when I need a break from my "Epicurean Garden Bed and Breakfast"
(Sometimes brainstorming ideas get a bit carried away, lol, but that is how the best ideas happen, when you just let the creativity flow).
Yes, the "Garden as Prep School" is another good take on things.
Disken Clay in "The Athenian Garden" writes:
Epicurus' Garden was not a school. Seneca had it right when he commented: 'it was not the school of Epicurus that made Metrodorus, Hermarchus and Polyaenus great men but their shared life'.
Just because there is not yet an "Epicurean Garden as Refuge" in existence now, doesn't mean that I or someone else can't create one.
I am in an transitional phase in my life, but eventually I will move to a location where I can and must create something for myself (and for others). Since I want to surround myself with people of like-minded philosophical worldview -- as well as be free from and safe from my family and their guilting/fearful "Nothing but the blood of Jesus" ways of thinking.
At 51 years of age, I have no spouse, and do not have my own children, so that is also why I want to create a philosophy Garden. I am all alone, while everyone else is partnered up already. The effects of Covid have further insulated people into small family units. People are very busy with their work, and spouse and children, and have very little free time for friends, let alone making new friends.
My own possible idea for the future -- perhaps it could be an "Epicurean Bed and Breakfast" where people can come, stay, and study in the library, and enjoy the outdoors (perhaps a rose garden) - advertized on online on airbnb for a good nightly rate -- but it would be free for good friends to come and visit
