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That's a great question and I have a couple of comments. First, a similar thought has come up in several discussions, and one comment that I associate with Elayne making it is that some people in some situations are not looking for a solution, but for empathy and confirmation of their feelings, and no matter how insightful the information you give might be, they aren't going to hear it and it actually does no good (or even causes more friction between the two of you) to talk about solutions. Tha…

i want to add this: (Quote from Marco) This is the one that always seem to me personally to be one of the most effective. Most of the people in my circle of contact are infected by the belief that there is life after death, so they build in an attitude that this is all just a warm-up for live in heaven (or some kind of existence) after death. To me it is one of the most motivating things in life to realize that I have a time limit to get done the things i want to get done, and to realize that on…

Marco I am going to take the liberty to adjust the title of the thread from "Friends" to "Dealing With Friends Who Are Struggling" to make the topic easier to find in the future. If you prefer something else, please of course feel free to adjust it again.

Exactly. In my experience many people think "accident" means "could have happened differently" with the implication that it "should have happened differently." I do realize that this is a complex subject, and that's why I like to refer to the A A Long article, but in general, and in many cases, the things people are talking about are not really things that could or should have happened differently but are in fact things that are directly determined by the mix of circumstances that went in to cre…